The Boy Who Had No Fingerprints
Hello
It's a bit too little-a-time between emails for my liking but this one, is by popular demand. Thank you to all the curious people out there who want to know more about the boy with no fingerprints. If you don't want to know then delete now.
I've seen them, and they are a spin-out. When he was a kid he had a strange type of exthma that attacked the ends of his fingers. The cream the dermatologist gave him combined with the fungal blitzkrieg caused all his fingers to scar in such a way that it removed his fingerprints. All of them are gone. He had to provide one when applying for his Canadian/UK visa and they couldn't do it. It just leaves a black smudge. I got him to do it on the kitchen bench with a bottle of soy sauce and a white paper napkin and the evidence was irrefutable.
I have been racking my brains trying to figure out a way of working this to my advantage. DNA forensic evidence is so advanced these days that a single cell can put you in one without much time or effort. So my idea of killing someone and getting away scott free quickly evaporated. I thought of sneaking in to some government office by tattooing a minister’s exact prints onto his fingers and stealing some top secret reports on weapons and stuff.
It then occurred to me that it would be easier to find a guy who didn’t have fingerprints then it would be to find someone with fingerprints. Everyone’s fingerprints are pretty much the same, only separated by a series of identifying tracking points that have to be seen under microscope. That would take ages to find someone. All the police would have to do if Jesus did something would be to stick out a warrant for a guy with no fingerprints and the freak-hunt would be on. The streets would be packed with guys in blue overalls, carrying pitchforks and fire on sticks, while our mate Jesus, with his busted up bike and his crooked nose, would be dancing to the beat of some cowboy’s six shooter. Case closed Your Honour.
Frustrated, I did what anyone else would do in my situation. I wrapped a balaclava round his head, stuck a shotgun in his hand and pushed him into a local bank..
Anyway, that’s the story of the guy with no fingerprints
Goodnight
Mike
(all true except the part about using soy sauce and holding up a bank.)
It's a bit too little-a-time between emails for my liking but this one, is by popular demand. Thank you to all the curious people out there who want to know more about the boy with no fingerprints. If you don't want to know then delete now.
I've seen them, and they are a spin-out. When he was a kid he had a strange type of exthma that attacked the ends of his fingers. The cream the dermatologist gave him combined with the fungal blitzkrieg caused all his fingers to scar in such a way that it removed his fingerprints. All of them are gone. He had to provide one when applying for his Canadian/UK visa and they couldn't do it. It just leaves a black smudge. I got him to do it on the kitchen bench with a bottle of soy sauce and a white paper napkin and the evidence was irrefutable.
I have been racking my brains trying to figure out a way of working this to my advantage. DNA forensic evidence is so advanced these days that a single cell can put you in one without much time or effort. So my idea of killing someone and getting away scott free quickly evaporated. I thought of sneaking in to some government office by tattooing a minister’s exact prints onto his fingers and stealing some top secret reports on weapons and stuff.
It then occurred to me that it would be easier to find a guy who didn’t have fingerprints then it would be to find someone with fingerprints. Everyone’s fingerprints are pretty much the same, only separated by a series of identifying tracking points that have to be seen under microscope. That would take ages to find someone. All the police would have to do if Jesus did something would be to stick out a warrant for a guy with no fingerprints and the freak-hunt would be on. The streets would be packed with guys in blue overalls, carrying pitchforks and fire on sticks, while our mate Jesus, with his busted up bike and his crooked nose, would be dancing to the beat of some cowboy’s six shooter. Case closed Your Honour.
Frustrated, I did what anyone else would do in my situation. I wrapped a balaclava round his head, stuck a shotgun in his hand and pushed him into a local bank..
Anyway, that’s the story of the guy with no fingerprints
Goodnight
Mike
(all true except the part about using soy sauce and holding up a bank.)
posted by Gazza @ 8:07 am
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